It Seems The Tired Way
Pacific Rim, by Michael Drucker Age 7 Years Old and a Half

Hello, my name is Michael Drucker. I am 7 years old and a half right now. Pacific Rim is a great movie. Robots hit monsters and the monsters fall and Charlie Day is funny as Rick Moranis. The robots come from different countries and they have different super powers which is a lot of fun. There is also a dog in the movie, if you like dogs. It was very fun and I hope to get it on VHS tape for my birthday. Thank you for reading my review of Pacific Rim.

As a Writer, I’m Not Very Good

The beautiful woman who walked into my office was sexy like a sandwich. And like a sandwich, she had a lot to offer – even more than I could imagine, which I would learn later at such a cost! She wore a long red dress that accented her sexiness, showing me that, as a woman, her body was good as they come. Her lips were full and when they moved, she spoke to me.

“I believe my husband is having an affair,” she said to me when she talked.

“Do you have proof?” I asked her in response.

“That’s why I’m hiring you. How does ten thousand smackeroons sound as a payment?” She reached into her purse.

I waved her off before she could take out what was in her purse she wanted.

“You don’t need to show me the dough until I get the evidence. But those ‘smackeroons’ as you delightfully call them sound really nice. I accept. What is your husband’s address? Maybe also that of his workplace, where – in my expert opinion – is a common location for this type of situation?”

“199 Horse.”

“Horse Avenue or Horse Street?”

“Sir Detective, that is part of the mystery.”

I rubbed my jaw. An intriguing Wednesday if there ever was one. Then I put a gun in my drawer.

Because I might need it later.

Perfect fuck song.

New “Up at Noon” featuring Drew Goddard, the writer/director of the new film “Cabin in the Woods.” Cliff Bleszinski reads from the novelization of DOOM. And Brian Altano presents even worse Kinect Star Wars songs.

New YouTube Comment / New Yorker cartoon caption. This one comes from this video.

New YouTube Comment / New Yorker cartoon caption. This one comes from this video.

New episode of “Up at Noon.” I yell at Hunger Games fans. Also, Hulk Hogan talks about JRPGs like God intended.

I co-wrote this Mass Effect cartoon for IGN’s April Fools Day prank. Huzzah!

One more YouTube comment / New Yorker cartoon caption for the day.

One more YouTube comment / New Yorker cartoon caption for the day.

Another great YouTube Comment / New Yorker cartoon caption came from this video.

Another great YouTube Comment / New Yorker cartoon caption came from this video.

Another YouTube comment on one of my videos used as a New Yorker cartoon caption.

Another YouTube comment on one of my videos used as a New Yorker cartoon caption.